Your Attitude Makes You Pretty!

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly.  

You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.  ~Roald Dahl

Today's post has nothing (and everything) do with fashion.   


I thought we would pause from the physical world of fashion for a moment and talk about our attitudes toward fashion, and more importantly, our attitudes toward ourselves.  
*cue Dr Phil music     

Just like it is easier for someone else to carry your suitcase, it is much easier to project your fears and feelings onto others and it make it their problem, rather than having to deal with it yourself.

Example:    “Oh, look at her.  Who does she think she is?  Her dress is too short and she is wearing far too much makeup.  Doesn’t she have a mirror?”

We’ve all heard this before, and perhaps even said things like this ourselves.  

But ... what is this person really saying?   “Oh, look at her.  I can’t believe she has the confidence to wear that in public, when I do everything I can to dress in a way so that no one judges me.  I would be too scared to put myself out there like that”

I call it the 'Hector Projector Manoeuvre'.  It’s when people are so afraid to own or confront their own issues, that they turn the mirror around and project all of their fears and negativity onto others.   It is much easier to make it someone else’s fault.  

How do you think the woman, and target of the judgement is feeling?   Answer:  She doesn't care.  Nor should she.  She feels fantastic.  She feels confident and is having a great day.

No one ever ventures outside with the intention of being the worst dressed.  Some days we have great fashion moments and some days we don't.  That's life.  And if you judge me for it, well ... that says a lot more about you than it does about me. 


This is why I am opposed to worst dressed lists.  Sure, I have opinions on what frocks I think work and what don't.  But they are just that, MY opinions.  Fashion, like art, music, food, design etc is 100% subjective, which is how sayings like 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' came about in the first place.  Everyone's point of view is different and everyone's point of view is valid.  The old Nanna saying of "if you haven't anything nice to say, then don't say anything" is a good mantra to live by. 

Don’t be a people pleaser, be a you pleaser.  

(And by the way, this message has nothing to do with clothes). 

You feeling good about yourself is far more important than whether you are in the latest fashion or if anyone else likes your outfit.  Style is as much about attitude as it is about clothes.  

You may think this an unusual subject coming from a fashion stylist.  But as I tell all of my clients, we may be working with clothes, but the result of our time together has absolutely nothing to do with clothes and everything to do with the attitude you have towards yourself.

this may be Emma 

I have a friend, let's just call her Emma, who can rock the quirkiest, most outrageous outfits.  Why?  Because she owns it.  She walks with confidence and truly 100% believes she looks amazing.  Therefore she does.   

Her attitude makes the outfit.  

Her attitude is contagious and makes you want to hang out with her.  

Her attitude can also intimidate people who do not have a great attitude towards themselves.

People's words, actions and reactions have nothing to do with you.

If someone is being offensive or rude, it has nothing to do with you.

If someone is pleasant and complimentary, it has nothing to do with you.

How people behave and the words they say, have nothing to do with you.

You see, how people behave, act and react has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with THEM.  

People who are pleasant and complimentary are great to be around, but again, their attitude has nothing to do with you.

They are comfortable and happy with themselves.  So much so that giving away compliments is easy for them.   They don’t feel threatened by you, instead they accept and like you for who you are.  This is why we often see a bunch of nice people hanging out together and a bunch of bitter trolls hanging out together.  Like attracts like.

It makes no difference to me if you are positive or negative.

Your attitude cannot affect my attitude.

You are the one that must live inside your head everyday.  

How you choose to fill that space is your choice.  

But you should know, that if you choose to be a negative Nancy, we cannot be friends.

I don't believe in God or the subsequent existence of heaven or hell.   I do however think that heaven & hell is a metaphor to describe the state of the minds that exist inside the living.  You have the choice as to where you spend eternity.  Attitude is a choice.

A loving person lives in a loving world.  

A hostile person lives in a hostile world; 

everyone you meet is a mirror.  ~Ken Keyes Jr.